finally its the weekend once again. i've got a cousin's wedding to attend on sunday and a test on monday when i get back to school. how am i going to study for it? had a rather rough couple of days in school starting on thursday when it all seemed to start crashing down on me... at least that's what i think is happening. i was trying to escape from this scenario from the very beginning and i had a feeling that i coud have started to become increasingly irritating to someone and that this whole cycle is going to repeat itself and that i would lose this friend of mine. i think that i'm beginning to become ignored and this is really putting me off. i have no choice but to escape and hide once again to avoid screwing myself up. at least that's what i think.. either it's true or i'm just being oversensitive. although i don't want to know if it's the former.

i tried to get some people to talk to and they have been able to put my worries to rest.. for now at least. one thing i do know and have to agree with is that i will find out sooner or later but i would prefer to remain in this dream world where i am happy than face up with the reality which may hurt me potentially. it's quite a funny thing when some people ask me if i love her. the truth is that i don't like the word "love" and i will never use the phrase "i love you" when i confess my feelings for someone. i feel that it is the most overused phrase in the english dictionary to the point that it has lost it's original meaning to express one's level of affection to a special someone. and in addition to that, now's not the time to think about such things and yet i am fretting over it. all because i have a slight affection for someone.. listening to the advice of quite a couple of people and ahem.. for now, i have to bury them once again, to hide them from the world.






i wear a mask, if you pull it back,
all you see is sadness.
the reality is that,
men are not created equal.
no matter how we try to deny it,
that is the truth of life.
such is life that i will only love,
never able to be loved.
sad isn't it?