countdown, 16 days till modern warfare 2 and 23 days till left 4 dead 2 hits the store shelves. other than that there's not much to blog about today i guess. maybe except for something which i remembered while i was on the bus today.

for the first time in a couple of weeks i actually left home to go downtown for some "shopping". which included me walking aimlessly along orchard road buying some things. these included a magazine, 20 takoyaki (for my brother.. no way i can finish that many) and a macha from ion before going for a haircut at the 10 minute hair salon near my place. i wanted to buy some things from cold storage but ended up going home with nothing from there. one thing to note about the takoyaki from ion is that it is absolutely delicious!

anyway, as i was on my way home from orchard, i noticed that i was sub-consciously looking at my ring which i was wearing on my left ring finger. well, it's not much to look at since it's just plain metal with a cross on it. i had gotten the ring during my trip to macau last year together with a ring which had The Lord's Prayer embossed on it. (i bought the latter even though i couldn't wear it on my hand. while the former was a perfect fit for my finger.) as i was looking at it today, i was wondering to myself why i had bought the ring and more importantly, why was i wearing it at that point of time? were all these events pre-determined in some way? if so then wouldn't it mean that our destinies have already been written for us? this would explain the certain inevitabilities in my life. perhaps this is in order to fufill our purpose that we have on this planet? in any case, i'm sure that i don't need to know the answer to this complex.

humans have been at odds with respect to the question whether we are really in control of our own fates, for even if i make a choice out of a multitude of options, what's to say that it wasn't already pre-determined that i would make that choice? i'd like to think that God has a reason for this so that we'll all find our place in this world which he has sat aside for us. maybe i'm just not mature enough to understand it yet.

chocolate, chocolate, chocolate

wow, i can't believe how long it took for me to finish one small box of chocolates. given that it was expensive chocolate courtesy of the chocolate research facility, of course that meant that it had to be savoured slowly and not chomped on like M&Ms and kit-kats. of course that said, the best before date of what remained of this box said that it expires today, so obviously i had to finish it today (peach with dried apricot is sweet, i like). come to think of it, i still have some tea-infused chocolate in the fridge, which expired a couple of months back. given that it's in the fridge, i guess there shouldn't be any harm in eating it in the present time.. and of course, if i continue snacking on chocolates at the current rate, i think i'm going to gain weight, which is not good. gotta go work out more often like that. frankly speaking, who cares? CHOCOLATE IS SWEET!

it does make one feel better after taking chocolates. gets rid of depression and stress to a certain extent. super high right now. listening to music which makes me want to break out in dance spontaneously lol. gotta resist it. of course i have a cup of water by my side. can't afford to fall ill right now can i?

was talking to a friend a few nights ago. it's great to hear that he's doing well in the army, but we couldn't help but note a simple fact that has been occuring ever since we left the auditorium on the last day of the A levels. ever since that november day last year, the class, my second family, began to split into the various cliques which started it all. at first it didn't seem that way but i guess that deep inside each and every one of us we knew that it was an inevitability. even now, i still see them as family to me especially due to the absence of my parents during most of my time in jc and thereafter. so seeing a family, my family being torn apart was something i couldn't accept and prayed day and night not to happen. and yet it has, so one can imagine the pain and hurt in my heart seeing this sight.

on the other hand, ever since we left our separate ways, i can see that for most of them, life has indeed improved and i'm seeing their happy faces with increasing frequency using the various networks available at my disposal. i guess maybe it's due to this that i feel some sense of jealousy to see that their lives are improving whereas mine seems to be stagnant to the point that it has started to attract flies. one can say that maybe the reason why i feel this way is due to the fact that i'm still living in the past and can't forget all the things that have happened and if i were to just let go of the past, i would be able to see my life in a whole new light. to that i pose a question, is it wrong to hold on to a past where i was happy and i was able to face everyday with a smile? the past happens to be the place and time where my happiness is kept and as of now, i have yet to find a person or group of persons with whom i can have such happy moments much like that of my jc class.

while i do hold these happy moments in my memories, that's all that they are, just memories. these memories will never be re-enacted. one could say that they would eventually be lost forever, as such, i have nothing to smile about nowadays, as the skies become gloomier and gloomier. i guess it's true, when you're a nobody, nobody will give a damn about who you are, what you do and how you are feeling. you might as well be non-existent.

those days of old,

once lost, are never recovered.

The Story I Can't Forget

it's been quite a while since i last posted hasn't it? a lot of things have happened since then, been overseas with the remainder of my leave for the year, got a new 5th gen ipod nano from the airport while i was at it, elsewhere, the world seems to be in great shape, global warming is playing havoc with the climate and a lot of people are dying due to the results of their own actions indirectly or otherwise due to the actions of others. and here back home, a beauty queen has been forcibly dethroned (good riddance). what a disgrace to the country and to herself. taking part in one of the most prestigious beauty pageants with a conviction of credit fraud. not to mention the horrible spoken english of the person. "leopard prins", "rad", "biginis" and most notably, "boomz". and to top it all off, the person can still have the cheek to say that she didn't bother reading the rules and regulations of the pageant and that it wasn't a big deal since she had taken part in other pageants before and the organisers for those pageants didn't check thoroughly, including this one. though it may be a fault on the part of the organisers for not checking thoroughly, it is still on the honous of the contestant to be truthful in the details provided on registration. it is even worse now that she is putting the blame on the runner-up for revealing the details of the conviction to the press.

anyway, time passes so fast.. just about a year ago i was busy revising everyday with my friends for what was to be our A levels and now it's my juniors' turn. so many things have changed since then. my parents are moving to another part of china once again, this time to shanghai. well i guess it's not so bad since it is more developed then hainan island. i hear that the place they got there has a nice view, an indoor swimming pool and even has a room for pool, which excites me somewhat.. somewhat.. very few things actually arouse my interest nowadays, if any. i'm finding myself increasingly disinterested with my life. there's nothing to be done since i have done most of the things which i wanted to do, and along with my parents, i have eaten at a alot of the good restaurants in singapore. i have not many things to shop for and even shopping is boring to a certain extent without the correct company and if i have nothing to buy.

in fact i don't have much feelings for anything at this point of time. i guess i have finally gotten rid of most of my feelings about everything, the story which i supposedly can't forget has me questioning my actions at that point of time, whether what i did was correct despite my feelings at that time. in any case, logic now runs my everyday and i speak less often then usual, which is already very little to begin with. i guess the next thing is to change my appearance which i'm not really happy with, which is going to be rather easy. just start by losing weight, which ironically has the same sound as feelings/emotions in japanese. oh the irony. but oh well.. will blog another day.

君の知らない物語

The Story that You Know


On a day like any other,
you suddenly stood up and said
“Tonight, lets go Stargazing!”

“Oh, you sometimes have great ideas huh!”
everyone said as they laughed.
Like idiots, we just frolicked and walked
on the dark road
as not to be crushed by loneliness
nor anxiety.

As we looked up from this dark world,
the night sky looked like it would drop the stars!

Since when I wonder,
since when have I been
chasing after you?
Please, please
don’t be surprised, listen
to these feelings of mine.

“That’s Deneb, Altair, Vega…”
you said as you pointed at The Summer Triangle.
As I looked at the sky,
I finally found Vega,
but where is Altair I wonder?
Isn’t he lonely?

As I stood next to you who was enjoying himself,
I stood there unable to say anything…

The truth is, I somehow
understood my feelings for you.
“I found it”
But it won’t tell you…
This is no good…don’t cry,
I told myself.

I acted tough, but the cowardly me
pretended like I wasn't interested…
However,
that just increased the pain stabbing at by heart.
Aah, I see, this is what it means
to fall in love.

“Try saying to me ‘What’s wrong?’”
my heart tries to tell you that,
but being next to you is fine…
reality is so cruel…

I didn’t say it,
I couldn’t say it,
I can’t go back now…

That summer day,
those glittering stars,
I remember them even now.
Your smiling face,
your angry face,
I loved them all.
Weird isn’t it?
Even though I understood it all…
You don’t know about this,
it’s a secret only I know.
I pass the nights,
the you from my distant memories
points your finger at the stars
with such an innocent voice.