well, let's see what has happened after my last post. i got modern warfare 2 and i have to say that it is a very nice game, i expect to continue knifing my way to glory and should be prestiging sometime soon. went out quite a number of times shopping for books, playing pool/lan with friends. and so that is when one of them asked if i had been updating my blog, which i haven't since i've not been having much free time to spare. oh well, here goes nothing..
just the other day i accompanied 2 of my friends to shop along orchard rd, and hey tried out quite a number of things from zara, G2000 just to name a few. i just stood there to watch them so much so that i was eventually asked to try a few on for myself and if there was anything that i was looking for, to which i replied that i don't have anything which i need or want at the moment.
in truth, i guess that's a lie. i just don't like the person i see in the mirror. i feel that he's an ugly and horrible person that i see and i hate it. i hate myself and the person that i am. i can't take it anymore, waking up everyday to see that face in the mirror and knowing that it's yours. and everyday that i'm home is even more stressful as there rarely seems to be a moment of respite from all the shouting and scolding that my maid gets for being just plain lousy at her work. if that wasn't enough, i got scolded by a neighbour from a lower floor on CHRISTMAS for my maid hanging laundry which was still wet on the railings. like what the hell? of all days it had to be Christmas, just goes to show how screwed up my life is. it only makes me want to hate it more.
at the end of the day, how many people understand me? i know that effective people should seek first to understand than to be understood but can't they see that the smile and cheerful appearance that i put on is all just a facade? every smile and every laugh is just another vain attempt to cover up my real feelings. to tell the truth i really don't know what to do with myself. am i still tied down to the past which i don't want to relive? after all that has happened, it only makes me realise what a lousy person i am, how naive i was to think that such a thing as love exists and how stupid i was to follow on those feelings that i had, knowing full well that a person such as myself could never be loved right? in any case, i don't think i'll trust another person who comes into my life, no matter who it may be.
at the end of the day, i'm alone.
no matter where i am, i'm alone.
with no one to listen to me, understand me,
no one to talk to, no one i can trust.
no one i can confide my feelings in,
or run to when i get hurt,
and no one i can depend on.
coz no one understands...
i guess that's what one would call life right?
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