argh got a headache.. in any case i'm going to write this down or i won't be able to sleep properly without being bothered by my other self at night. oh well first thing is that over the past few nights at home, i have found myself waking up again not long after i supposedly fall asleep only finding out that besides my right eye, i can't move the rest of my body and i start hearing voices in my ear, though i think i may just be imagining the voices but it is definitely scary not being able to move at all other than my eye and i end up using a lot of willpower just to make myself fully awake.. probably something inside me is unable to rest, which brings me to my other self. well, it does seem that i'm beginning to adopt more of his traits after the incident. which would probably explain why the next part of my blog is going to sound very different from what i usually blog, though i haven't blogged for quite a while now..



i've got a lot on my mind right now.. went with a group of my friends to jurong swimming complex recently and i have to admit i enjoyed my time there. being the only one without a float, i had a ball of a time conducting attacks on the rest when they were sitting on their floats and overturning them into the water muahaha. i obviously had to go for a much needed swim to retrain my cardio, which i did by going for two laps after having fun at the other facilities, namely the wave pool and the lazy river in addition to the water slide. well, at the pool, i had a chance to see how sickening some people can be.. namely a group of guys who started harrassing my female friends who were with us. which brings me to my next part..



yesterday, i came home to the news that michael jackson had passed away suddenly due to a cardiac attack. and within moments, tributs poured in from every corner of the globe. while i cannot deny that he was and will continue to be a pop legend, i do not see the need to mourn and grieve over the death of another. humans are born and die on a daily basis, does this mean that we should also be mourning the passing of these people? well there's one big difference between him and the rest of the people who die daily. he's famous, be it for good or bad reasons and hence, being famous, people look up to him and consider him to be someone of great importance and hence will mourn his passing. that's all that matters to humans in life.. power, fame, glory, wealth and of course if one is beautiful/handsome, even better for the person's fame. to tell the truth, i hate it all and damn it all if that's all they ever see. this is the unfortunate truth of our present time. humans.. never change. they never have throughout the course of history. they'll remain a bunch of animals fighting amongst each other for the stupidest of reasons and devising even more creative ways of killing and defeating their foes to achieve their ends. not to mention the people who play around with others only to end up fooling them. and those who abuse power that is given unto them. so much for being the most civilised species on earth. screw it all! this is the reason why i hate humans and i despise myself for being part of them. i prefer to drown myself in information and seem to be able to interact with animals especially cats better than humans. animals have an innocence which most humans lack and they do not keep secrets and thoughts hidden from others unike humans. i have seen this for myself firsthand and have had experience in the latter. love is just a fantasy made up by humans to justify why they can be with a person due to a feeling which cannot be measured or seen but rather felt by two parties. and the belief that there's a person meant for every person on earth is essentially what it is.. just a belief. i used to believe in it but n0t anymore, that's how heartbroken i was at a point in time. if there's really a person out there meant for another, we wouldn't have people sleeping around with other people on a regular basis.



i guess that incident had awakened me and opened my eyes wider to see the true nature of some people. i guess it can't be helped. like i said, humans never change. in any case, i'm not saying that humans are bad/evil. no one is entirely good although some are indeed more of the other than others. so once again i have to confront my own humanity, where i am being torn being happinness and sadness and anger over the issue. so i live between the light and dark till the day when perhaps i may change. although to say so would mean that maybe i'm not entirely human. every person no matter how bad a crime he has committed has a right to a trial was a line which i saw in a book published by one of the more prominent lawyers of the country. well i do applaud him for having such a style of thinking, i feel that a person who has taken the life of another or has insulted or outraged the modesty of another for example has no such right. what right do they have after they have violated the rights of their victims? these people deserve to pay the price for their transgressions. but of course making such a speech in public only goes to show the lack of professionalism that i have towards such offenders and cases.

humans as a whole never change and they never will..
that's why i hate this world..
if given the chance, i will change it,
even if i have to sell my soul to make it happen.

so does this make me good or evil?