ok...wad can i say, well i was just feeling very emotional on friday after the talentime and just needed to find a place to quiten down and straighten out my thoughts...as i was escaping from the lecture theatre, i went to the bus stop where i saw the above two names above...i have no idea why but i chose to keep a straight face but of course since i was with the two of them, it was quite soon that i started smiling even though it is for a small time...
on the bus, we had a short chat before i received the call...i know that it was to ask me if i was ok after my sensitive outburst in the LT... i have no idea why i started crying but i think it was becoz of a voice in my head telling me that i was responsible for all the bad things which were happening between us...it was a confrontation within myself and i had no way to stop it...i wish that i could run away from all this...but i just couldn't...
i blamed myself for making her nervous before the performance and caused her to go offtune and eventually cost her the chance of getting the top prize...i just couldn't live with myself...i also started blaming myself for the awkwardness which we felt when we talked to each other...many emotions just went through my head and i just couldn't forgive myself as i still have feelings for her even though we had agreed that we should remain as friends...it was this feeling that made me really angry with myself and also made me very sad as i felt that i was actually doing harm to her...which is something that i would never do even if my life depended on it...i just wanted to escape from it all, leave it all behind...
i have no idea whether to leave u behind as that would seem very cruel and mean and that's just not me...yet if i were to stay by your side as a friend, i may end up liking you even more...
you seem to be quit ok during our messages but i can't tell what's on your mind...i'm afraid that if i read your mind then i may end up hurt even more...
it's only a matter of time...minutes to my midnight...
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