well i'm finally 18 years and 5 days old.. my birthday went by without event just as i had hoped it would.. i now know what it feels like to have a quiet birthday.. for the first time there was no cake, no lavish lunch/dinner and definitely no presents.. not that i like presents that much but it wouldn' t hurt to recieve a few right? not the standard ang paos and stuff.. seriously i feel that no one really understands me or knows what i'm thinking inside. it's rather sad to be an introvert isn't it?

as for my friendship with her, well things are starting to look up a bit but she's getting busier with each coming day and i really hope that she doesn't fall ill.. she would continue studying even though she may be ill and it really worries me when she continues to study despite her condition.. she got the top in the level and i am quite happy for her as a friend.. learnt about that while chatting with my friends during the break i had at ptm today.. spent the entire day washing cars and washed 30 cars altogether.. managed to catch a glimpse of her even though the words from my mouth only consisted of a simple "hello" and "byebye", perhaps something inside me was stopping me or maybe it was the fact that her father was there that stopped me from saying more.. after all, which father would want a boy whom he does not know start chatting up his daughter right in front of him? besides, there was work to be done.. i just hope that her father would be forgiving and understanding towards her for her gp grades.. i hope her father is different from other parents i have seen.. i just don't know why parents scold their children so often as i have seen today?

as she continues to mug and work hard for her subjects, one can only admire the work ethic in that girl.. its rather sad to see such a young person feel normal about being a workaholic.. then again i'm not that old.. what do i know about this world? my student-teacher meeting was quite ok i guess and had a chat with my home tutor and maths tutor.. looks like i got two options right now.. either start working on my maths corrections for my cts or borrow the answers from people who have done it correctly.. although i would most likely choose the former out of integrity.. econs is a first failing subject for me and maths is rather weak at this current stage.. hopefully these two subjects would improve with time.. as would her gp grades..

i'm beginning to think a lot about her lately maybe it was around his time last year that i felt rather sad over many things.. the annual singing competition is coming up again.. the same time i lost control of my emotions and wept for the first time over someone i did not even know, at least not that well.. i pray that her voice would be able to pull her through to the end and that she would get the best of results. i still blame myself over what happened last year due to my presence in the audience.. i can never forgive myself for such an error.. how could i let my feelings get in the way of her progress? that's the reason why i do not want a relationship with her for the time being.. her studies,overall well-being and happinness comes first.. anything else is secondary.. even my personal feelings..

its rather sad, that i lost the present you gave me..
please forgive me..