this is something i've been keeping inside me for a very long time now.. i just got the realisation once again what an ass hole my brother is.. i mean like he's probably one of the most f***ed up person in the world. just now i wanted to borrow the mousepad to test out the mouse which i have swapped with the house computer.. not only did he resist me taking the mousepad from underneath his palm even though i asked him really nicely, when i realised there was no problem with the mouse, i wanted to put the mousepad back and not only did he not allow me to do so despite me asking him once again nicely and me attempting to lift his arm gently so that i can slide the mousepad underneath, he started being an ass hole by openly voicing his displeasure by talking back at me and hence we started our argument. like the opening salvo of a bombardment, we shouted at each other and i almost lost my temper and wanted to either break the mousepad or smack his face with it. a number of vulgarities came out and i once again hate my parents for spoiling and giving in to him time and time again. just a few days ago, my parents informed me via sms that they had bought what my brother had asked for, a diabolo, something like a yoyo.. with their money.. and for comex this year, i was not allowed to buy a laptop WITH MY MONEY!! like wth man?? and what's more is that i'm the one who's exceling in his academics, not failing his subjects such as chinese, which is one of the easiest subjects to pass. how can he call himself chinese if he can't even pass his mother tongue? all the insults which i have to listen to day in and day out, sometimes i feel as though he is trying to test my patience and that of others. he fell sick a couple of days back and i nagged at him to go see the doctor as the doctor was only open till noon. even when i left the house i told him to see a doctor, he was still lazing around on the daybed... and when i came back in the evening, not only did he go to the doctor, he was still in his pjs. then when my mother called and asked if he went to see the doctor, he said that he didn't. and why is that so? it was becaue my grandmother didn't bring him, i mean like how can you expect your grandmother to bring you to see the doctor when you're already 15 years old? and it's not that you are bedridden or sick to the point where you can't walk or are about to faint. even the lady at the clinic also laugh at him for needing my grandmother to bring him to see the doctor. seriously sometimes i wonder why i have never bothered to lay even a finger on him when i get angry at him.. i have seen other people who are also older brothers and have seen them beat up their siblings for various reasons and since young i have never beaten him up or anything like that. maybe it's because i'm scared of getting scolded by my parents or it's because i don't want to fight him since one has to admit that he's still my younger brother and i should give way to him on account that he's younger and hence less mature than i am. of course i have to say that this will not last forever since there will come a day where he will have to wake up. sooner or later my patience will wear thin and i'll finally lose all the anger inside.. the fact that my laptop now crashes on startup plus the impending continuation of the prelims doesn't help to make things any easier for him or myself.