well, given the change in the situation now, i have decided to change the song to "World's End" by FLOW. i decided to tell her about it after weeks of deliberating about it and was prompted to do so before the zephyr got published. and i think that it would have been better to tell her directly rather than wait for the book to tell her about it. yes i think that i like her. and yet i think that i may be in shock. i have no idea whether i just got rejected or whether i was to wait till after the A levels. on 2nd thought who am i trying to kid, it's as plain as day that the moment she said "staying as friends will be better, yea?" meant that i was better off as a friend and that if i try anything else i could forget about it. nevertheless, rejection is rather hard to take and nobody wants to be rejected. although on hindsight, i shouldn't have replied by saying that i suppose that it should be the way for now.. the only thing good which came out of this is that i feel much better having removed something that has been bothering me for a while now. and that i did not lose a friend as a result of my feelings this time. all of which i am grateful for. but on the other hand, i once again find myself having to bury these feelings deep within myself again. perhaps one day we'll be able to laugh about it. yet it is a rather bittersweet moment which i am experiencing right now. i feel like laughing at myself for being this pathetic and guessing correctly that i would be rejected and yet it only does seem to make me feel even sadder. o well, maybe try to recover myself in the next few days and begin focusing on the A levels once again. then think about this after the A levels are over.

bittersweet finale...
the cracks start to show...