feeling more detached from everyone around me.. and i don't know how i'm going to change this. this is perhaps the only thing i don't know how to change in my life. as time passes, i seem to become more distant from those around me. i hardly have anything to talk with my parents anymore and talking with my grandmother would only lead to stuff leaking out to other people. my brother only serves to shorten my lifespan when we argue. sigh.. it's times like this when i really envy those who are in relationships. not many people one can talk to in the army since they either take it as a joke or are not really reliable people one would want to confide in. the only way i can talk freely is through my blog, but even then it is mostly a one way communication. i do feel somewhat better after blogging but i still feel kinda lonely and empty inside. come to think of it, outside of school, i don't have many friends whom i talk to or hang out with on a regular basis. so maybe this is a contributing factor. i don't feel like talking to the people i used to talk a lot with previously. they have their own lives to lead and i would only be interfering in it if i continue to bother them out of boredom/loneliness.

the rain started pouring in the afternoon and it seemed to be following me as i travelled from alexandra back home. it did not do much to help brighten my mood. although i have to confess that i do like the rain, snow and ice. yes it's rather cold and would usually be associated with someone's who's rather dark and gloomy. but i do like it after all i'm a person who's closest companion is the cold from being alone most of the time. just that it wasn't doing much to make me happy today.

thinking back and seeing all the couples on the streets, i wonder when's it going to be my turn. if there's indeed someone meant for someone else on earth, i wonder what my other half is doing at this point of time and if she's feeling the same way as me. i hope she likes the rain too.

btw: a stroll in the rain helps to wake one up. it works.. try it.