might as well post now that i have some time on hand. well my mum has left for china once again. not that it makes much difference especially since the only time i spent with her was on my second day off. going out a few days from now. been listening to music to keep myself occupied and watched a couple of videos along the way. can't wait till the new battlefield game and modern warfare 2 to be released. but other than that, there's not much to look forward to in the near future.

then yet again, for one who is stuck in the memories of the past, what is there to look forward to? it's just going to be an endless cycle of painful memories just repeating themselves over and over again. that's human life and history. whilst we claim to be moving on, the fact of the matter is that we are just moving in circles and always end up the place where we started from without even realising it only to come out more tired and hurt out of it.

if you love a person, then you shouldn't expect the person to love you in return. what a joke it is. that's just an idealistic way of looking at it which is not possible to achieve in real life.

to anon: let me ask you this question, if the person you love does not return your feelings in a manner worthy of your person, would you still love the person in the same way, even if you have many memories shared with the person? wouldn't the mere sight of him/her disgust you? and wouldn't it be worse if the person you like ended up with one of your friends who had known all along your feelings for the person? tell me how would you feel in that situation? i doubt you would be able to view things in the same way that you're saying right now.

so what's the point of unrequited love?even by lowering oneself to do things which one wouldn't do normally no matter how one begged for me to do it, one still doesn't get the understanding and appreciation. after all the time and effort spent it all adds up to nothing, or more rather a souring of feelings from love to hatred.

hence, i no longer love the person. for i was a fool to have thought of love that way and did all those foolish things for her. for that person was like my pillar of support emotionally,mentally and spiritually. when the pillar gave way, so did most of my humanity. one isn't going to bother picking up the pieces of a shattered existance anymore.


there's no such thing as light,
just the absence of darkness.
there's no such thing as happiness,
only the absence of sadness.

there's no moving forward,
only moving in circles.
there's no life,
only a meaningless existance.

there's no solitude,
only loneliness.
and most of all, there's no true love,
only an illusion which blinds us.