chocolate, chocolate, chocolate

wow, i can't believe how long it took for me to finish one small box of chocolates. given that it was expensive chocolate courtesy of the chocolate research facility, of course that meant that it had to be savoured slowly and not chomped on like M&Ms and kit-kats. of course that said, the best before date of what remained of this box said that it expires today, so obviously i had to finish it today (peach with dried apricot is sweet, i like). come to think of it, i still have some tea-infused chocolate in the fridge, which expired a couple of months back. given that it's in the fridge, i guess there shouldn't be any harm in eating it in the present time.. and of course, if i continue snacking on chocolates at the current rate, i think i'm going to gain weight, which is not good. gotta go work out more often like that. frankly speaking, who cares? CHOCOLATE IS SWEET!

it does make one feel better after taking chocolates. gets rid of depression and stress to a certain extent. super high right now. listening to music which makes me want to break out in dance spontaneously lol. gotta resist it. of course i have a cup of water by my side. can't afford to fall ill right now can i?

was talking to a friend a few nights ago. it's great to hear that he's doing well in the army, but we couldn't help but note a simple fact that has been occuring ever since we left the auditorium on the last day of the A levels. ever since that november day last year, the class, my second family, began to split into the various cliques which started it all. at first it didn't seem that way but i guess that deep inside each and every one of us we knew that it was an inevitability. even now, i still see them as family to me especially due to the absence of my parents during most of my time in jc and thereafter. so seeing a family, my family being torn apart was something i couldn't accept and prayed day and night not to happen. and yet it has, so one can imagine the pain and hurt in my heart seeing this sight.

on the other hand, ever since we left our separate ways, i can see that for most of them, life has indeed improved and i'm seeing their happy faces with increasing frequency using the various networks available at my disposal. i guess maybe it's due to this that i feel some sense of jealousy to see that their lives are improving whereas mine seems to be stagnant to the point that it has started to attract flies. one can say that maybe the reason why i feel this way is due to the fact that i'm still living in the past and can't forget all the things that have happened and if i were to just let go of the past, i would be able to see my life in a whole new light. to that i pose a question, is it wrong to hold on to a past where i was happy and i was able to face everyday with a smile? the past happens to be the place and time where my happiness is kept and as of now, i have yet to find a person or group of persons with whom i can have such happy moments much like that of my jc class.

while i do hold these happy moments in my memories, that's all that they are, just memories. these memories will never be re-enacted. one could say that they would eventually be lost forever, as such, i have nothing to smile about nowadays, as the skies become gloomier and gloomier. i guess it's true, when you're a nobody, nobody will give a damn about who you are, what you do and how you are feeling. you might as well be non-existent.

those days of old,

once lost, are never recovered.